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Written By: Lorien A. Masters
I know what it feels like to push the goal to Monday. To have aspirations and desires to show up and do something for myself, only to be met with guilt and shame around not having the energy or time to follow through. Even when I finally make the time, I'm often so tired or unsure of where to focus my attention that I feel lost. This, my friends, is burnout—a clear sign that we’re out of tune with ourselves.
Perhaps we've never had a strong sense of self, or maybe we once did but now feel like a stranger to ourselves. Yet, when it comes to others, we show up big time. We show up for our partners, our family, our kids, colleagues, and friends, even for new acquaintances. But when it comes to ourselves, we often fall short.
There are many reasons why this happens. A lack of boundaries, overcommitting ourselves, and the desire to please others can all play a role. But at the root of it, much of this is about unlearning the deeply ingrained belief that we are not enough, or not as deserving as others. We’ve seen our mothers and grandmothers be everything to everyone—the selfless matriarch. But times have changed. Today, it's too much to expect ourselves to be an amazing parent, great leader, dependable employee, always-there friend, strong partner, and still have an amazing relationship with ourselves. It can't all happen at once, or all the time. Some things need to ebb and flow, and other areas need to take a conscious back seat for us to truly thrive.
Just like the instruction to put on your oxygen mask first in an airplane emergency, showing up for yourself isn’t selfish—it’s essential. Without attending to our own needs first, we can’t fully show up for others. The key question is: WHY do you want to show up for yourself? What are you hoping to gain from this precious time with you?
The Power of Knowing Your "WHY"
Understanding your "WHY" is the first and most crucial step in showing up for yourself. Your "WHY" is your compass, guiding you through the noise and helping you prioritize what truly matters. Without a strong "WHY," it’s easy to fall back into old habits, letting others' needs overshadow your own. But when your "WHY" is clear and powerful, it becomes your motivation when your energy and willpower are low. It’s the anchor you return to over and over again, reminding you why the hard work, the time invested, and the commitment are worth it.
When we’re exhausted, overwhelmed, or simply unmotivated, our "WHY" becomes the driving force that helps us push through those tough moments. It keeps us grounded and aligned with our deepest desires. For me, the game changer was navigating an autoimmune disease and realizing that this body is my only vessel. While my soul may be infinite, this human experience—our time here on this beautiful Earth—isn’t. It’s finite, and I refuse to feel restricted from doing what I love because of my body’s limitations. My "WHY" reminds me that I want to live a long, fulfilling life, doing the things that light me up.
It’s not just about big dreams; it’s about having the energy and strength to enjoy the little things too. I remind myself of this "WHY" when I don’t feel like getting up to move my body, or when I’m tempted to hit the 'Uber Eats' button for the second (or third) time this week. It’s the same "WHY" that I turn to when I’m faced with fear—fear of failure, fear of stepping outside my comfort zone. My "WHY" encourages me to face that fear head-on, because the sooner I do, the quicker I can move through it and keep growing.
So, I invite you to think deeply about your "WHY." What is driving you to show up for yourself? What do you desire most? Maybe it’s to feel more energetic and healthy, to have the strength to pursue your passions, or to cultivate a deeper relationship with yourself. Whatever your "WHY" is, let it be personal and powerful enough to pull you through those difficult days when the work feels too hard. Because showing up for yourself is not just about doing the easy things—it’s about embracing the challenge, knowing that you’re worth the effort.
Take some time to journal on this. What is your "WHY"? Why is it important for you to prioritize yourself and all the desires you have for your life? When you uncover this truth, you’ll have a solid foundation to build upon as you begin this journey of truly showing up for you.
Taking Accountability and Ownership
Once you know your "WHY," the next step is to reflect on where you are right now and how you got here. This part of the journey requires taking ownership of your role in your current circumstances—but without judgment. It’s about shining a gentle light on the patterns and habits that may no longer be serving you, while also recognizing that these pieces of you were doing their best to keep you safe up until this point. Now, with this new awareness, you have the opportunity to make shifts that better align with the person you’re becoming and the life you want to create.
So, what do I mean by this? The hardest part of moving forward is first being radically honest with ourselves about where we are. It’s so easy to point fingers—to blame our setbacks on our jobs, our lack of time, or the energy we simply don’t have. But when we take the time to really comb through the layers, we start to realize that we also play a role in this chapter of our lives. It’s not about self-blame or feeling guilty—it’s about becoming aware of how we may be holding ourselves back, often in ways we’re not even conscious of.
Take a moment to reflect: What is my role in this situation? Are there any limiting beliefs around my worth or whether I truly deserve to carve out time for myself? When things start to pick up in areas I want to grow in, do I unknowingly sabotage my success? Do I put others’ needs ahead of my own out of a desire to please or a fear of rejection?
These are tough questions, and they require honesty—but they also need to be met with kindness. This isn’t about criticizing or judging yourself. Instead, it’s about cultivating gratitude for this new awareness. With this awareness comes power—the power to change. The more we understand how we contribute to our current situation, the more intentional we can be in shifting those patterns to better serve us.
For me, I came to realize that my deep desire to be needed by others was part of the reason I wasn’t showing up for myself. I thought that if I was always available, always the one to help, I’d avoid rejection from those I love. But knowing this now allows me to be intentional about how I spend my time. I can ask myself, "Does this decision support my goals and intentions, or am I doing this to meet others’ needs out of fear?"
This reflection is gentle. It’s not about beating ourselves up or feeling ashamed of our past choices. Instead, it’s about embracing this newfound understanding and using it as a guide for the changes we want to make. So, as you reflect on your role, do so with compassion and curiosity. Remember, this awareness is a gift—it’s the first step toward freeing yourself from old patterns and beginning to show up for you in a more loving, intentional way.
Boundaries and Time Awareness: Reclaiming Your Energy
One of the biggest hurdles to showing up for ourselves is understanding how we spend our time. Many of us feel like we don’t have any time left for self-care or the things that bring us joy. But when we take a closer look, we often find that it’s not about the lack of time—it’s about how we’re using it. Overcommitting ourselves to others can leave us drained and depleted, with little energy left for our own needs. Reclaiming your time is the first, and perhaps most crucial, step toward showing up for yourself.
So, how are you spending your time right now? Take a moment to reflect on your calendar from the past few weeks and look ahead to the upcoming ones. Besides work and essential obligations, where is your time going? Are all these activities lighting you up, or are you filling your days with tasks and commitments that leave you feeling overwhelmed? When you look beyond your non-negotiables, you may start to see patterns of overcommitting to others while neglecting yourself.
This is where boundaries come in. Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out or distancing yourself from loved ones—they’re about creating guidelines for how you operate best. Think of them as your personal user manual. Boundaries not only protect your time and energy, but they also help others understand how to support and engage with you in a way that feels aligned with your needs. By setting clear boundaries, you are saying "yes" to yourself, and that "yes" allows you to make space for what truly matters.
As you reflect on how you’re currently spending your time, another good place to check is your default response. When someone asks for your help, or when work demands extra time, what is your automatic answer? Is it usually an immediate "yes"? And if so, how is that serving you? Overcommitting leaves little room for your own joy, rest, or growth. If you’re saying "yes" to everything, it becomes nearly impossible to find time or energy to show up for the things that truly make you happy—let alone tackle the harder parts of personal growth.
4 Ways to Say "No" with Confidence
Learning to say "no" is one of the most empowering tools for reclaiming your time and setting boundaries that honor your needs. Here are four simple ways to say "no" without guilt or over-explaining:
No is a Full Sentence: You don’t owe anyone a lengthy explanation for why you can’t commit to something. Whether you’ve scheduled time for yourself to recharge, or you simply don’t want to add more to your plate, “no” is enough. Honor your needs without feeling obligated to justify them.
"Let Me Get Back to You": If you’re someone whose instinct is to say "yes" right away, this is a great tool. Give yourself the space to reflect before making a decision. Ask yourself: Do I have the energy for this? Is this something I truly want to do? Will I be able to show up as my best self for this person or task? By giving yourself a moment to pause, you can make more intentional decisions that align with your goals and boundaries.
Offer an Alternative: Sometimes, if you genuinely want to help but can’t commit in the way someone is asking, you can offer an alternative that works better for you. For example, “I can’t meet this week, but I’d love to catch up over a quick coffee next week.” This allows you to maintain your boundaries while still showing up in a way that feels manageable.
"I’m Focused on a Commitment to Myself Right Now": If someone pushes back or wants to know why you’re unavailable, it’s okay to tell them that you’ve made a commitment to yourself. Whether it's a personal project, time for rest, or simply taking care of your well-being, this is just as important as any other responsibility. By sharing this honestly, you model the importance of self-care, not only for yourself but for others as well.
By understanding where your time is going and practicing the art of setting and maintaining boundaries, you begin to reclaim the energy you need to show up for yourself. Boundaries aren’t just about keeping others out—they’re about keeping you in alignment with your values, goals, and well-being.
Reconnecting with Passions
While practicing the art of setting boundaries, remember to be kind to yourself—it will take time to master. But as you begin protecting your energy, it's time to reconnect with the things that bring you joy. Whether it’s rediscovering old passions or exploring new ones, this phase is all about prioritizing what truly lights you up. You’ll be encouraged to schedule time for your passions and hobbies, reinforcing your commitment to yourself.
Sometimes, showing up for ourselves feels hard because we haven’t yet found the "right" things to show up for. Meeting yourself in this current season of life is a beautiful opportunity to rediscover what your passions are now, or to uncover the hobbies and activities that ignite your soul. If you already know what fills your heart with joy, fantastic—maybe this section isn’t for you. But for those who feel disconnected from themselves or unsure of where to begin, this part might feel a bit trickier.
A great place to start is by reflecting on what you enjoyed as a child. What activities made you lose track of time? What brought you a sense of wonder or delight? If you loved working with your hands, perhaps try gardening, textile arts like crocheting or knitting, baking, or even pottery. The key is to experiment and notice what makes you feel most alive. What activities help you slip into that state of flow, where time seems to stand still and you feel deeply present? That’s where the magic happens, and you can trust that these are the things you genuinely enjoy doing.
Start small and schedule this time into your life. One of the best tools I’ve found for myself and my clients is time blocking. This involves setting aside a specific time on your calendar for the activity, but leaving it flexible for how you fill that time based on your energy and mood that day.
For example, I used to struggle with being consistent in showing up for movement. I would dread it if I thought I had to do a specific type of workout. But when I shifted the focus to simply "showing up"—to honoring the time I’d blocked, regardless of how that movement looked—everything changed. How this looks for me now is that I block 20 minutes on my calendar, say, Monday and Wednesday mornings at 9 a.m., for movement. I commit to showing up on my mat, but I leave the decision of how I’ll move my body up to how I feel that day. Some days, it’s a full HIIT workout. Other days, it’s gentle yoga, and sometimes, I just stretch or lay there and breathe. But the key is, I showed up for myself, and I honored my body’s energy in the moment.
The goal isn’t always the outcome of a big workout or a perfectly completed task—it’s about showing up, meeting yourself where you are, and allowing flexibility within that commitment. This same approach can be applied to any passion or hobby you want to explore. Set the time, show up, and let your energy guide you. The joy is in the process of reconnecting with what lights you up, not in perfect execution.
Practicing Self-Compassion: Embracing the Messy, Imperfect Journey
Showing up for yourself is not always easy, and it’s essential to be kind to yourself along the way. Growth is not linear, and mistakes are part of the process. In fact, they’re an essential part of the process. This step is about embracing self-compassion and celebrating the beautifully messy, imperfect journey of being human.
Showing up doesn’t always mean showing up at 100% capacity or being in a high-achieving mode. Sometimes, it just means being present. Other times, it means honoring the signals from your body and mind to reschedule or modify what you planned. Self-compassion invites us to accept that not every day will look the same, and that’s okay.
Self-compassion, I find, is one of the hardest things for us to learn. We tend to be our own toughest critics, holding ourselves to standards we would never impose on others. In those hard moments when you feel like you’re falling short, try to remind yourself of what you would tell a friend if they came to you with the same struggle. Would you scold them or tell them they should’ve done better? Likely not. You would offer them kindness, support, and reassurance. So why not extend that same grace to yourself?
Think of how you would care for a child. When a child is learning or trying something new, you don’t expect them to get it right the first time or push through when they’re exhausted. You give them patience, gentle encouragement, and time to rest when needed. That’s what we really need from ourselves—grace and support, just as we would offer to a child. After all, through this process of showing up for yourself, you’ll most likely be meeting and healing your inner child in ways you may not have expected.
Ask yourself: What does the little version of me need to hear right now? Maybe it’s a reminder that it’s okay to take a break, or that it’s normal to feel overwhelmed at times. What kindness and compassion can you give yourself in this moment as you learn and move through these new practices? Let that inner child know they are safe, supported, and loved exactly as they are, even when things don’t go perfectly.
Self-compassion is not about excusing ourselves from growth or effort—it’s about creating the soft space to keep showing up, even when it’s hard, even when it’s messy. It’s about honoring the fullness of our humanity, flaws and all, as we continue this journey of learning to care for ourselves.
Lifestyle Audit: Supporting Your Success
To truly thrive, we need to create an environment that supports our well-being. This means taking a close look at key aspects of your lifestyle—nervous system regulation, sleep, nourishment, movement, stress management, and your support system. These foundational elements are essential for building a solid base from which you can consistently show up for yourself.
Many individuals come to work with me ready to dive straight into their goals. We live in a time where hustle culture and productivity are often seen as badges of honor, where checking off the to-do list becomes tied to our sense of worth. But the truth is, if we’re going to make lasting changes, we need to first ensure our foundation is strong. Skipping this step can lead to burnout, short-lived success, or goals that don’t feel sustainable. Strong foundations take time to build, but they make all the difference.
One of the first questions I ask my clients is about their lifestyle and nervous system regulation. While you can achieve goals without focusing on these elements, having them in place makes the process so much easier and more enjoyable. Plus, it helps ensure that the changes you’re making become a part of your life—not just temporary adjustments.
Here’s a breakdown of some key lifestyle components to audit:
Nourishment
Are you fueling your body in a way that supports your overall well-being? Are you eating as many whole foods as you can, cutting down on preservatives, and focusing on a balanced intake of protein, fruits, and vegetables? Hydration is also key—drinking enough water throughout the day can have a profound impact on your energy levels and mental clarity. Remember, your gut is often called your "second brain." When it’s not functioning optimally, you might experience brain fog, fatigue, and nutrient deficiencies, all of which can hinder your ability to show up for yourself.
Movement
We’ve all heard about the powerful connection between physical activity and overall health, but new studies are highlighting the critical role of muscle mass for life longevity. Movement not only strengthens your body but also has a significant impact on mental health, helping to manage anxiety, depression, and stress. Physical activity is also a healthy way to process emotions—emotions are energy in motion (E-motion), and allowing your body to move through them can be incredibly healing. Whether it’s strength training, yoga, or a simple walk, movement is a powerful tool for both body and mind.
Sleep
Sleep is often underestimated, but it plays a crucial role in cognitive function, metabolic health, and emotional well-being. In fact, new research shows that women may need even more sleep—9 to 10 hours a night—to feel fully restored. Sleep is when the brain gets a chance to settle, reset, and repair, while the body restores itself and tackles any underlying issues. Establishing a consistent bedtime and wake-up time, reducing screen exposure before bed, and creating a calming evening routine can all help improve sleep quality, which is vital for showing up for yourself with full energy.
Stress Management and Nervous System Regulation
This one is big. How often do you feel like you have to "earn" your rest by getting everything done first? Many of us operate in survival mode, feeling like we need to constantly be productive before we allow ourselves to relax. This is a sign that our nervous system is dysregulated, stuck in a fight-or-flight response. Engaging in play, dancing, bilateral movements (like walking or swimming), and mindfulness exercises such as breathwork are incredibly effective ways to help regulate the nervous system. Feeling safe in a state of rest is key to thriving, not just surviving.
Support System
Finally, look at the people around you. What does your support system look like, especially at home? If you’re working toward new goals but those closest to you aren’t on board or are unsupportive, it can feel like an uphill battle. Communicate your desires and intentions clearly. Let them know why these changes are important to you, and ask for their support. Having people on your team who understand your goals and encourage you along the way can make all the difference.
By auditing these areas of your life, you create a foundation that supports your well-being and growth. This isn’t about perfection—it’s about making small adjustments that help you feel more grounded, balanced, and ready to show up for yourself. Remember, lasting change starts from within, and it’s built on a lifestyle that nurtures your physical, mental, and emotional health.
Celebrating the Small Wins
In a culture that constantly pushes us to chase the next goal, it’s easy to get caught up in the cycle of always striving for more. But this week, we’ll focus on something equally important—pausing to acknowledge and celebrate the wins along the way. This is about reinforcing the habit of showing up for yourself, and recognizing that each step forward is worthy of celebration.
As humans, we often have a tendency to meet one goal, only to immediately move the carrot further, setting our sights on the next milestone. In doing so, we forget that a past version of ourselves once deeply desired the very goal we’ve just achieved. Take a moment to reflect on that. The goals we’re achieving today are the dreams of our past selves. How can we honor that journey and truly relish in our successes?
Celebrating doesn’t always have to mean buying yourself something or going out to dinner—though those can be lovely options. It can be as simple as sitting with the feeling of accomplishment, even if it feels uncomfortable at first, and allowing yourself to feel into what it’s like to arrive at this moment of completion. How does it feel in your body? What does pride look or feel like for you?
Instead of rushing to the next goal, give yourself permission to fully acknowledge and sit in this achievement. It’s about more than just ticking off a box—it’s about soaking in the progress you’ve made, feeling proud of how far you’ve come, and honoring the work you’ve put in. Take a moment to pause, breathe, and celebrate this version of you that showed up, even when it was hard.
By making space to recognize these small wins, you reinforce the idea that progress is just as valuable as the destination. And the more you do this, the more you’ll begin to savor the journey itself, rather than always looking ahead to what’s next.
Letting Go of Perfectionism + Moving Forward: Progress Over Perfection
Perfectionism can be one of the biggest roadblocks on our journey to self-commitment. It’s that little voice that tells us we need to have everything in order, do everything flawlessly, or not do it at all. But perfectionism isn’t helping us—it’s holding us back. This week, we’re focusing on releasing the need for things to be perfect and instead embracing the idea that progress, no matter how small, is far more important.
As we wrap up this journey of showing up for ourselves, let’s take a moment to reflect on all we’ve learned. From discovering our "WHY" to setting boundaries, from reconnecting with our passions to practicing self-compassion, you’ve been laying the groundwork for long-lasting change. You’ve learned to celebrate your small wins and create a lifestyle that supports your well-being. And now, as you move forward, it’s time to let go of any lingering perfectionism that might be standing in the way of your growth.
Perfectionism tells us that if things aren’t done "just right," they’re not worth doing. But life isn’t about perfect execution—it’s about showing up, being present, and making progress over time. Progress is messy, it’s imperfect, and it’s filled with twists and turns. And that’s okay.
As you move forward, remember that your journey is uniquely yours. There will be days when everything flows effortlessly, and days when it feels like you’re moving through quicksand. Both are valid, and both are part of the process. The key is to keep showing up, with compassion for yourself and a willingness to grow through the imperfections.
As you continue on this path of self-commitment, keep reminding yourself: progress over perfection. You’re not striving for an idealized version of yourself—you’re becoming more aligned with who you truly are, one step at a time. Embrace the journey, and let go of the rest.
If you’ve been reading this and feel seen—if you recognize yourself in these words and believe that this journey could benefit you—I invite you to join our 10-week Women’s Circle | The Reclaim Project: Women Showing Up for Themselves. This October, we’ll be exploring these themes deeply, in a supportive, pay-what-you-can environment. Together, we’ll rediscover our sense of self, set meaningful boundaries, and learn to show up for ourselves in the same way we show up for others. Join the waitlist here.
Ready to commit to your "WHY"? Reach out and sign up today. Let’s take this journey together.
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